Thursday, August 14, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
Sneak Peek of Love & Hate (Book Two: Love)
WARNING: Don't read if you haven't finished Book One: Hate!!!
Prologue
I’m
a survivor. I have spent months in intense physical therapy learning how to
walk again. I have gone through numerous surgeries to fix my back, and
currently it’s the best it has been since my accident. I have worked hard at
healing my physical ailments. My surgeon tells me he is impressed with me. He can’t
believe I am walking without a limp now. Sometimes I still have it but it just
depends on my leg strength that day. For the most part though, I walk normal.
I’m not without pain however. I have numbness in my left leg continuously and
pain that runs down my lower back and the backside of my leg. It makes it hard
for me to sleep most nights and it’s even harder to sit for long periods of
time, but I manage.
It’s
not all bad though, I lost a bunch of weight. My once curvy frame has now been
replaced with a much thinner one. I might have looked like Miranda Lambert
before her recent slim down, but now I look more like Carrie Underwood. I must
admit I love the new skinny version of me even if it came with a heavy
price tag. I’m a new person with a new look, and today I plan to take that new
look to the extreme.
~ ~ ~
“Yes
Mom, I’m sure.” I look at my Mom in the mirror she seems super nervous about
this.
The
hairdresser behind me pulls my hair in a tight ponytail and I hear her cut her
way through my signature long thick locks. I know my Mom isn’t a fan of this
but it’s not like I am going all Sinead O’Connor, I’m just getting a cute bob.
“Well
you certainly have the bone structure for a bob.” The hairdresser says as she
begins to cut and shape my hair.
I
decided on my way to Seattle today that I needed a new look before I go back to
school. I haven’t been back to Washington State University since fall break of
my freshman year. I made the decision a couple of months ago to re-enroll. I
missed Pullman and I missed all my friends there.
For
the past year I have been taking classes at the community college at home. I
thought for sure I would lose that first semester at school but somehow my Dad
finagled a way to get my professors to let me take my final exams. My guess is
he donated money to the school, but he refuses to confirm that suspicion.
I
start school in a week. I was supposed to move into my sorority but it became
clear very quickly that stairs and I don’t mix anymore, and the sorority house
is full of stairs. So my parents, being the wealthy people they are, bought a
house on campus. It’s not large or extravagant it’s a three bedroom, two bath,
rambler. My parents have been busy remodeling it because as my Mother said “it
wasn’t fit for her Baby.” I’m sure the house will be beautiful and I’m excited
to see it finished.
The
best part of this new arrangement is that my parents invited Millie to live
with me. Mills is totally stoked. She has been busy picking out new Pottery
Barn furniture with my Mom to decorate it. I’m also excited that the
house is on greek row. It is only a block from the sorority and it shares an
alley with the main bar on campus, The Station. I know Millie and I are going
to have a blast living there.
~ ~ ~
“We will take it!” My Mom tells the personal
shopper who is helping us in Nordstrom.
I
look into the mirror at the person staring back at me. I don’t recognize her at
all. She is totally gorgeous. My platinum short hair is striking against my
tanned skin and I am wearing the most beautiful black Kate Spade dress. It’s
simple with clean lines that accent my new thin frame perfectly.
“I
love it.” I tell them.
“It
is just perfect Paige. Every girl needs the perfect little black dress in her
closet.” My Mom looks at me adoringly.
My
Mother insisted on bringing me to Seattle today to buy me new clothes before I
go back to school. Most of my clothes don’t fit me anymore. I have shrunk from
a size eight to a dainty size four. So I pretty much needed an entire new
wardrobe. Good thing my Mother is such a skilled Nordstrom shopper.
I
didn’t exactly plan on giving myself a complete makeover. It just kind of
happened. When I sat down in the hairdressers chair I stared at myself in the
mirror thinking how much I had changed, I decided in the moment it was time to
get drastic and get a fresh new look. If I was going to return to school and
face my past I needed to do it looking fierce. My Mother always said “if you
are hiring or firing, breaking up or making up you always want to look your
best.” Well, I wasn’t going to be doing any of those things but I was going to
come face to face with my ex, which is just as important. And when we do come
face to face I want him to see this new me, not the once weak girl he
destroyed. Before I was naive and now I am expertly aware of how cruel this
world can be. I’m sure some people would say I’m bitter but I’m not, I’m just a
bit jaded. I think I have earned that right after enduring the devastation
that is Cutter Daniels.
Chapter One
My
windows are rolled down in my new Dodge truck and I breathe in the fresh
Eastern Washington air as I cross the Columbia River. My parents insisted on
buying me a truck instead of a car. My Mother said she felt safer with me in a
large vehicle so they bought me a dark blue Dodge Ram 1500 longhorn edition
with the saddle leather seats and the quad cab, it’s totally freaking awesome.
I have been on the road a little over four hours in my new truck and I love it.
I have another two hours to go before I get to Pullman. Miley Cyrus blares in
my speakers singing about coming in like a wrecking ball and I sing along at
the top of my lungs. I’m not really a Miley fan but the girl can sing about
heartbreak so she is currently at the top of my playlist along with Adele and
Sam Smith.
My
parents didn’t want to let me drive back to school on my own but after a
sufficient amount of convincing they allowed it. I needed this. I had to have
these hours to think and get my head on straight before I go back to the place
that holds so many memories of Cutter and me. I know that I shouldn’t think of
him, but I can’t help it. For the past year and half I have been working like
crazy to heal myself physically but I have ignored my emotional wounds. I have
shoved my feelings for Cutter way down deep into the far corners of my heart,
and I pray that is where they will stay.
I
truly don’t know how I will react when I see him and just the thought makes me
agitated. The only time I have seen him since the accident was at the fair last
year. He was in the dairy barn with Jasper. When he saw me he had only starred
at my cane, refusing to look at me at all. When I started walking toward him he
quickly got up and left. That had pretty much answered my question as to
whether or not he would say something to me. He hates me and probably always
has. He thinks I killed his Dad. In a way maybe I did. My rational mind knows I
was just a small child that was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but the
other part of me says I am responsible. In so many ways I don’t blame Cutter
for hating me, I would probably hate me too.
We
have not talked since that fateful night in November. Our only communication
has been a handful of random text messages he sent me in the middle of the
night saying he was sorry. I would always answer asking him what he wanted and
he would never respond. Finally the text messages stopped coming. I don’t know
what hurt more the rogue apologies or the silence that has taken their place. In
the beginning I thought about trying to contact him, but every time I reached
for my phone I would remember how he lied to me.
I
know this is the exact thinking that Jasper was worried I was going to do while
I was driving alone for six hours. He had begged me to not go alone. He said he
would drive me or offered Lacey to go with me. I’m not sure Lacey was really
volunteering but I know she would have come if I asked her. It's just I know she would
rather stay at home with Jasp. They are a couple now. Well, apparently they had
been a couple for quite some time; it just seems no one bothered to tell me. They
started dating shortly after I left for college. Everyone knew including Cutter,
but you can just add that to the list of secrets he kept from me.
Looking
back it all made sense now. It explained why Lacey was so upset when Jasper
went missing and why she was so secretive on her phone at the horse show in
Oregon. They had finally broke down and told me about a month after my
accident. I don’t really know why they thought I was going to be so upset. I
told them I was happy for them and surprisingly it wasn’t awkward at all
hanging out with them. In fact I had come to really enjoy my time with Jasper
and Lacey. It all kind of made sense in some weird parallel universe or maybe I
didn’t care because my heart was already shattered.
Either
way I feel very blessed to have them as friends. It has been my friends that have
helped me pull myself back together. Especially Tess, she practically lived at
my house over her month long Christmas break right after the accident. She
brought over my favorite foods and loaded my room up with movies and kept me
company every day until she left to go back to school. Every break she had from
school she came home just to be with me. She is an amazing friend. During this
last summer break my parents sent Tess and I on vacation to St. Thomas. I think
they could tell it was getting hard for me to be around the farm and not be
able to ride. My parents have a yacht in St. Thomas, so Tess and I spent two
months sailing around the Caribbean having a blast. We came back home with a
ton of fun memories and about four shades darker than when we left. That vacation
was exactly what I needed and Tess helped me keep my mind off of going back to
school. She has the innate ability to know exactly what I’m thinking without me
saying a word. She is the best therapist I could ever ask for and I am going to
miss her tons while we are away at school.
~ ~ ~
I’ve
made it to Pullman safe and sound. I make my way into town and I feel nauseous.
I drive along the backside of greek row on Opal Street. The house my parents
bought is off of greek row on Howard Street. The only way to get there
unfortunately is to drive right past the one fraternity I wish I didn’t have
to, Chi Sigma Rho. I tell myself I won’t look as I drive past but as soon as I
get close I find my eyes glued to the large brick building. There are several
guys sitting on a couch in the front yard but thankfully none of them are Cutter.
I take a deep sigh of relief and drive past the gravel parking lot in the rear
of the frat. Unfortunately my luck doesn’t hold. I see him. He is just getting
out of his big black truck and he looks amazing as usual. He is wearing khaki
shorts and a dark blue vintage tee that shows off all of his muscles. I feel my
heart skip a beat and then drop off to the pit of my stomach as I watch a dark
haired girl climb out of the passenger side of the truck. It is Laney Davis. Cutter
stands at the front of the truck waiting for to get out. I push down on the
gas. I don’t know how I manage to keep the truck on the road, but I do. I make
it to my new house and pull my truck in the drive. I don’t get out immediately,
instead I sit there for a long time with my head against the steering wheel
thinking about what I just saw and willing myself not to break down.
Eventually
after talking myself off the ledge I climb out of my truck and head on into my
new home. I know Millie is already here because her BMW is sitting out front.
“Hello.”
I call out as I open the front door.
“Hey
friend!” Millie calls out from inside her room. Millie had asked me if it was
okay if she took the front room right off the living room. I told her to pick
whatever room she wanted.
“You
all moved in already?” Her room is pretty much all put together. She has a
beautiful wrought iron queen bed in the center of her room with a pretty red
quilt covering it. Milllie’s Mom loves to quilt so I’m guessing this is one she
made especially for her new room because it matches perfectly.
“Yup,
I got here yesterday and unpacked. I am loving our new house.” She tells me
excitedly. I know Millie had come during the summer and met my Mom and the
contractors to help pick out finishing’s and appliances. From the looks of it
they did an awesome job.
“I’m
going to go throw my stuff in my room and check out our new digs.” My Mom had
told me that my room was in the back of the house near the patio. I was excited
to see it.
“Cool.
If you need help carrying something just holler.”
“I
will.” I say and turn to grab my bags.
“Paige,
I’m serious. I have strict instructions to not let you lift anything heavy.” I
know my Mother has told Millie all about my “care plan” as they doctors call
it. I’m sure she has given her very strict instructions on what I can and can’t
do.
I
unload my bags in the back bedroom. It is huge. It has high vaulted ceilings
and it has been painted slate gray with thick white trim. A four poster
espresso stained king bed sits against the far wall and on the opposite wall is
a matching desk. The bed is completely made up like it came straight out of a catalog
with a purple paisley duvet and matching purple sheets. I love it. It is
exactly what I would pick out. I am surprised to see I have a walk-in closet.
It’s not huge like my one at home but in this size home I’m surprised at its
presence.
I
venture out into the kitchen which is right next to my room. The kitchen is
small but adorable. The cabinets are all white and the countertops are a
beautiful marble. The floor throughout the kitchen is a dark wood that is
carried on throughout the house. There is a large farmhouse sink and shiny
stainless steel appliances. The rest of the house is just as beautiful as the
kitchen and bedrooms. The living room has been completely furnished with a huge
flat screen T.V. and overstuffed soft leather sofa with a matching recliner.
There is a huge area rug that looks like someone skinned a Holstein cow and
left it on the floor. The living room definitely has a western feel to it and
it reminds me of home. My Mom has truly outdone herself. Yes, my Mother has definitely been here working her Martha Stewart magic.
Chapter Two
I
have pretty much gotten all unpacked and settled in. Millie unloaded my truck
for me, refusing to let me do anything. I wonder how long she will be this
overprotective. I know I’m not supposed to lift anything heavy or even kind of
heavy but I’m not completely useless.
I
sit down at my computer and log into my email. I need to check my class list to
make sure I got the electives I wanted. School starts in a week. I’m here early
for Rush Week. For the most part only the fraternity and sororities are all
moved in on campus. I am told this week is supposed to be a ton of fun because
the houses are recruiting new members all day and at night it is one giant greek
party.
I
log into my school email to print my class list and my fingers stop dead in
their tracks. I stare in disbelief at my screen. Cutter has sent me an email.
Should I open it? Of course I am going to open it. I am the most curious person
ever. I open it and it is just one line.
Why are you here Paige?
I
am immediately pissed off. I slam the top on my laptop and stalk around my room
muttering to myself. What a freaking
asshat. I can’t believe he has the nerve to email me and ask me what I’m doing
here. I have every right to be here.
Stay tuned Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) coming out soon!
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