Hi guys! First off let me say I'm sorry it has taken be so long to update you on the progress of Faith & Betrayal. I found out in late February that my husband and I would be expecting our first child. I quickly became very ill with severe hyperemesis. I have been struggling for the past nine months to feel somewhat like my old self and have been unable to continue to write during that time. Baby boy is one tough nugget and is very healthy it has just been me that has been not doing well. I'm only a few weeks from my due date and I can't wait to meet my baby boy. I will be sure to update you all when he makes his arrival. Faith & Betrayal will be finished as soon as I get back on my feet. As a thank you for waiting so patiently here is the first five chapters. I'll be sharing more excerpts as I continue to write. I hope you enjoy them!
Prologue
“Tess?
Do you hear me?” My beautiful blonde friend, Paige Daniels, questioned me from
across her horses stall. She had just won the world championships and was on
cloud nine, but she knew something was wrong with me. We have always had such a
strong friendship, sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.
“Everything
is great,” I smiled back at her trying to mask what was really going on inside
of me.
“You
know I don’t buy that shit,” she glared at me as she pulled off her horse’s
saddle and headed down the barn aisle away from me.
I
knew she wasn’t buying my brave-face act that I was putting on, but I didn’t
feel like I had a choice. I didn’t want to spoil her big win tonight with the
drama that is currently my life. It didn’t matter anyway. I was in a shit
situation and I had put myself there. Nothing I did or didn’t do now could
change that fact. There was no way out of this one, no this time I had really
fucked up.
“You
might as well just tell her, Tess. She is going to find out sooner or later,”
Paige’s handsome husband, Cutter said tipping an eyebrow up at me.
“How
do you know?” I asked shocked that somehow my dirty little secret was already
out.
“I
do know what TMZ is, Tess.”
“Shit,
it’s on TMZ already?” I screeched.
Cutter
simply nodded and left me alone to think about how I was exactly going to
handle this monumental disaster.
The
fact that the gossip sites had already gotten wind of what was going on was
something I hadn’t expected. I thought I would have at least a few more days
before the rest of the world discovered my own personal horror I had been
living with for the past year.
The
truth is I fell in love with the devil. I saw the warning signs early on and I
did nothing to slow it down, I jumped in head first knowing it would end badly.
I’m not exactly sure what that says about me, but I know it’s not good.
“So
are you going to tell me yet or what?” Paige asked glaring at me as she
reentered her horses stall.
“Paige…”
I start but didn’t know what to say. I can’t find the words to tell her what’s
happening.
“Look
Tess, whatever it is we will get through it, together. Don’t you remember what
a mess I was a few years ago? You helped me through that. Please just tell me
what’s going on. I know it’s really bothering you,” she pleaded.
“Ash
is on drugs,” I blurted out. “Coke mainly but I suspect he has used other things
as well. Chase and Liam got him checked into rehab,” I breathed a sigh of
relief finally telling my best friend at least part of the hell I had been
living recently. Paige looked stunned as she digested what I just told her.
It
was true, my rock star ex-boyfriend, Ashton Parker, the lead singer of the
current hit band, Southtown was eyes deep in addiction. I knew it’s a fairly
regular thing in the industry but for some reason I just couldn’t believe Ash
would fall victim to the partying lifestyle. He was such a strong person. Sure
he was wild and a rocker, but he had never been into drugs. Not until this past
year when everything changed and the band became somewhat of an overnight
success.
Ashton
and his two best friends, Liam and Chase started the band in high school. They
started off small doing local gigs at the bar scene in their hometown of Irvine
California. It didn’t take long before they were invited to play in bars in Los
Angeles and the boys made the move North to LA. I met Ash there. I was attending
the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising.
“Tess...Tess,
do you hear me? Are you ready to go?” Paige waved her hand in front of my face.
“Yeah
sorry. I’m ready.”
“Babe,
Tess and I are going to take one of the trucks we will meet you at the
restaurant.” I watched as Paige kissed her husband goodbye and he whispered
something sweet to her that had her giggling. I envied them. They had an
unbreakable love. It had been tested to the absolute limit but in the end it
couldn’t be broken.
“Let’s
go Tess.”
I
followed my best friend toward the dim lit parking lot of the Oklahoma City
fairgrounds.
“Alright
spill it. I know you aren’t telling me everything, I know you better than that
Tess. I know you are upset Ash is on drugs but I also know there is a lot more
to it,” Paige demanded.
We
had only made it half way into the parking lot. I thought she would at least
let me get in the truck before she confronted me. I knew she could tell I
wasn’t telling her everything. I also knew she wouldn’t pry it out of me until
we were alone.
“Is
it really as bad as what your face says it is?” She was studying me, trying to
guess what horrible thing I would tell her next, as if what I already admitted
wasn’t bad enough. “Was he cheating on you? Because I swear I will chop off—”
“He
was doing that too but no, that isn’t what is wrong.” I hung my head in defeat.
Not a single other person knew what I was about to say. I wasn’t worried Paige
would tell someone but I was worried once I spoke the words out loud it would break
me. I had been doing a hell of a job living in denial these past weeks but it
had gone too far, it was time to face the truth.
“I’m
pregnant.”
Paige
gasped and rushed to hug me. “Oh God, Tess.”
I
held onto her clinging to her warmth and goodness. I hoped that my body could
soak it up like a sponge. I had literally traveled through hell and felt the
full weight of all of Ash’s demons stuck to me. That’s the funny thing about
dealing with an addict, even if you aren’t doing the drugs with them they can
still make you feel you are.
“What
are you going to do?” Paige pulled back from our hug and prepared to analyze my
reactions.
“I’ve
decided to keep it. I just… I just couldn’t bare the thought..” My voice
cracked just thinking of the other possibilities.
“Does
he know?”
“Yes,”
I sighed in frustration. I winced thinking of the ugly scene that transpired
between us.
“What
did he say?” Paige prompted.
“He
just started screaming at me that I was trying to trap him and that I was just
like all the other groupie sluts. He wants nothing to do with me or this baby.”
I knew the tears would come now. I could talk about everything else without
cracking but not this, not his outright betrayal to me and our unborn child.
“Oh
Tess!” Paige engulfed me in another huge hug as she saw the tears slip down my
face.
I
just shook my head in response fighting back the storm that was brewing inside
of me. I would tell Paige the entire story but not yet. Everything was just too
raw and I was trying my best to keep it together. Paige understood and let me
quietly try to regain my composure. It
took a few minutes but the tears finally stopped.
“What
do you want to do?” Paige asked.
Most
people would probably assume she was talking about going to dinner but I knew
she was asking much more than that.
“I’ve
decided to come home. I’m leaving school. It’s for the best.” I felt a pang of
despair thinking of how close I was to finishing my degree but in reality it no
longer matter. My life had changed in an instant and what I thought was going
to happen would never come to pass. I just had to accept it.
“Well,
I always said we should be pregnant at the same time,” Paige said smiling
brightly at me.
“You’re
pregnant?” I asked surprised at her confession.
“Yes,
Cutter doesn’t know yet. I am waiting to tell him until tonight. If he knew
before the show he would’ve hovered over me the entire time. You know that
would have pissed me off,” She explained, smiling at me. I was happy for my
friends, they were getting everything they wanted in life.
“Alright,
we better get going before every one wonders where we are. Everything is going
to be okay Tess. I promise you it will be,” She said pulling me alongside her
toward her large Dodge truck.
* * *
Two
more days on the road and we would be home. I watched as the desert of Arizona
whizzed by the passenger window of Paige’s truck. She convinced me to ride home
with her claiming a road trip would be good for me. She and Cutter had an extra
truck to drive home anyways since Cutter had bought a new one while in
Oklahoma. I let Paige tell Cutter what was going on and he agreed a girl’s road
trip would do me some good. We would be in California in another few hours. I
tried to mentally prepare for the last leg of our journey but I knew it would
be hard.
Paige
and I were going to stop and pack up my apartment in LA and haul it back to
Washington. I didn’t really have a game plan yet but Cutter and Paige insisted
I stay with them until I figured it out. I was thankful I had them.
I
also had the unfortunate task of telling my father the news when I returned
home. I knew he was going to come unglued. My father and I have a strained
relationship, at best. My Mother always blamed it on his own strict Chinese
upbringing for his coldness. Nothing I did ever pleased him. He was less than
thrilled when I announced I was going to study fashion and design in California.
He thought I should become a doctor or lawyer. My Mother was the only one who
could bridge that gap between us. I found myself missing her more and more
lately. It had been hard to deal with my father since she passed away from
breast cancer a year ago. I knew I could’ve confided in her about what was
happening and she would have offered support without judgment.
My
father on the other hand, could always be counted on to pass judgment. He had warned
me about Ash and his lifestyle. He told me dating a rock star would end badly
and he was right. It not just ended badly, it literally ruined me. But how
could I have known? It had started out so differently. I closed my eyes hoping
to drown out my anxiety of what was to come and find comfort in the memories of
the Ash I once knew, the one that made me fall in love with him.
We
met my first year at FIDM. I was living in an apartment outside of Los Angeles.
I was on my own for the first time in my life and loving it. Well, that is
until my apartment was almost broken into in the middle of the night, scaring
the hell out of me. I had been asleep and I heard something crash in my living
room. I jumped out of bed in a rush and flipped on every light I could, hoping
to scare whoever or whatever made the noise. I was lucky because my tactic
worked and I was only left with a broken window. The responding officer that
night suggested maybe it was time for me to get a dog or alarm system if I was
going to live on my own. I thought about it for a few days and ended up getting
a dog. I’m not sure if I really rescued him or rescued his original owner. I
found him on local website claiming they needed to re-home him. Moxie, a part
schnauzer part who-the-heck knows puppy came home with me that day. The girl I
adopted him from was a young college student who said she didn’t have time for
a puppy. At the time I thought she was just immature and couldn’t handle the
responsibility of dog. I thought she was giving him because she wanted to stay
out and party but couldn’t do that with a puppy. But like I said that was what I
thought at the time. I quickly began to realize I may have been mistakenly
adopted a very small furry terrorist.
The
first four months I cried myself to sleep in frustration almost every night. He
may have been the cutest puppy ever but he was an absolute monster. He wouldn’t
let me sleep, he crapped in the house, chewed on my furniture and worse he
loved to eat my clothes! I was strongly considering giving him up when the girl
next door invited me to the dog park. Her name was Karson and she had the
cutest wiener dog named Wilma. Mox seemed to like her and two could play for
hours. I quickly learned the trick to dog ownership was taking at least one
trip to the dog park a day and lots of puppy play dates.
I
had tried out many of the different dog parks around LA but Mox and I seemed to
like the one closest to our house the best. It was there I met Ash and Indie.
Indie was a beautiful blue nosed bully pit and she had an equally beautiful
owner. He was tall dark and mysterious. Most of his arms were covered in tats.
He even had a few on his neck. I had never really been attracted to that type
of guy but there was something about him that intrigued me. His eyes were a
deep chocolate brown and they looked like they held thousands of untold stories.
I was captivated by him.
It
took me a few weeks of before I finally worked up the nerve to talk to him
while our dogs played. I started off by asking him about his dog. He quickly
corrected me and told me it was his girlfriend’s dog that he was just taking
care of because she worked during the day. As soon as he said the world
girlfriend my gut twisted with jealousy. I didn’t even know his girlfriend but
I was instantly jealous of her ability to be close to him. There was something
haunting about him and it unnerved me. I wasn’t usually the type to be affected
so easily. Sure I had my share of boyfriends but none that I ever held my
interest for very long. But I could tell this guy was different, he could
challenge everything I thought I knew about myself and the world.
Chapter
One
Five
years later…
“Mom
do you have to go?” Bianca, my beautiful and demanding five year old daughter pleaded
from the backseat of my Volvo. I had to go to New York City for a few days. I
had a meeting with a major retailer to sell my line of children’s clothes in
their stores. About a year after Bianca was born I began developing a line of kid’s
clothes and within two years I had my very own store. I named it Bows and Ties.
The store has been doing great and my clothing line has been selling out online
and in my little shop.
“Yes
I have to go B. I thought you were excited to stay with Auntie Paige and Uncle
Cutter. You love staying the night there. Don’t you want to play with Cadence
and Weston?”
“I
do but I’m going to miss you Mommy,” she said smiling sweetly as I glanced back
at her in the mirror.
“Alright, let’s hear it. What do want?” Although I hated to admit it, she had the charisma and charm of her father. It was undeniable. She also had his dark features. At first her dark brown eyes were like a constant reminder of the pain he had caused me, but now I only remember the good times. Regardless of the way Ashton Parker had treated my heart he ended up giving me the best gift I could ever ask for, my beautiful baby girl. I know now I got the only good that man had to offer.
“Alright, let’s hear it. What do want?” Although I hated to admit it, she had the charisma and charm of her father. It was undeniable. She also had his dark features. At first her dark brown eyes were like a constant reminder of the pain he had caused me, but now I only remember the good times. Regardless of the way Ashton Parker had treated my heart he ended up giving me the best gift I could ever ask for, my beautiful baby girl. I know now I got the only good that man had to offer.
“Well…
I was hoping that I could ride with Cadence while I was at Auntie Paige’s
house.” Bianca unfortunately had become horse crazy thanks to her Aunt. Horses
scared the hell out of me. They are huge animals that have minds of their own.
I didn’t like the idea of my baby girl strapped to the back of one of them, but
I knew she loved to ride so I have reluctantly agreed.
“Only
if you promise to only ride The Biz and you have to have Aunt Paige lead him
around,” I negotiated my terms. I knew Paige would look after her and wouldn’t
let her get hurt but I still had my mommy anxiety.
“But
Mom… I can steer on my own now,” She whined.
“Those
are the rules. Take them or leave them,” I said sternly.
“Fine,”
She huffed and folded her tiny little arms over her chest in defiance.
I
tried not to laugh at her attitude. Ever since she turned five she had become
exceedingly more dramatic. I turned up the radio in an attempt to distract both
of us from the horse riding show down I had found myself in the middle of.
It
only took a few seconds before I recognized the song and quickly changed the station.
It was Southtown’s newest hit, Always.
Of course it was a stupid fucking love song. I’m sure Ash had written it for
his gorgeous super model girlfriend, Adrian Blackstone. She was the current
“it” girl in Hollywood. She was tall, rail skinny and jaw-dropping perfect.
She and Ash’s pictures were splashed on every tabloid; the media couldn’t get
enough of their romance. It personally made me sick to my stomach every time I
saw a picture of them together. The worst was standing in line at the grocery store.
It seemed every tabloid had some story of them on the front. The hardest ones
to see were the ones claiming she was pregnant. The first time I saw one
claiming Adrian was going to have Ash’s baby, I ran to my car and cried in the
parking lot for a half hour. I’m better now, I try to pretend I have no idea
who Ash Parker is or ever was.
“Mom
turn it back I love that song,” Bianca requested from the backseat in total
ignorance.
Of
course my daughter loves the one song that literally cuts daggers to my heart,
but I remind myself this is the only connection to her father she will get. So
I flip the station back and listen as my baby girl sings along with her father
about always loving a woman that is not me or his daughter. I pray for the
strength not to cry in front of her.
* * *
I
remind myself that Bianca will be fine and try to steady my nerves as I board
the plane to New York City. Paige reassured me that she could handle
everything. I know she can, but it is the first time I have left my baby girl
for more than a night. For the past five years I have focused only on her and
making her life the best it can be. That is why this trip is so important.
Getting my clothing line in major department stores could really jump start my
little business and give Bianca and I a new life.
I
settle into my seat in the middle of the plane and put on my headphones. The
sweet older lady next to me I could tell would like to chat but my nerves can’t
deal with that right now. I need to zone out and try to relax. I click through
the stations on my phone and land on top alternative hits. I never use to like
alternative type music, I was always a pop type of gal but Ash had changed all
that. Listening to angry music is the only reminiscing about my life with Ash
that I allow. I listen to the painful melody of Halsey’s Hold Me down and it transports me back in time.
I
had been going to the dog park every day, sometimes twice a day with Mox. The
story I told myself is that I was doing it for Mox, so he could get his energy
out. The real truth, however, was that I went every day to see him. We had
become friends and our dogs were very clearly in love with each other. While
the dogs would race around the park, Ash and I would sit and talk sometimes for
hours. At first I tried to keep my feelings in check always reminding myself
that he very much had a girlfriend. It wasn’t until one Sunday at the park Ash
announced they had broken up. I listened quietly as he explained that they had
been drifting apart for some time and the feelings weren’t there anymore. He
explained that she left her dog, Indie with him because her new apartment
wouldn’t accept a pet. I tried my best to seem empathetic when really I was
overjoyed at the news, but it hardly mattered. Ashton Parker would never be
interested in me; he liked bad girls that had dark secrets. Girls like his ex
that had tattoos and liked to ride on the back of motorcycles. He would never
be interested in a prissy straight-laced girl like me; we came from two
different worlds.
“Mam?
Mam?” I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned in my seat startled to see the
stewardess with the drink cart already. “Would you care for a drink?”
“Sure.
Apple juice, please.” I waited for the
stewardess to fish a bottle of apple juice from her cart. After she handed me
my drink I readjusted in my seat and continued to stare out the window of the
plane thinking about the past.
It
was about a week after Ash’s breakup announcement that my whole world was
flipped on its axis. Karson, my neighbor, and I had walked Wilma and Mox to the
park to play. Karson and I had become pretty good friends. She frequently came
to the park and would sit and chat with Ash and I. Karson, however, picked up
on my dirty little secret right away seeing the monstrous crush I had on Ash. I
prayed he had no idea. Karson loved to tease me frequently when it was just her
and I about it. She thought Ashton had a thing for me too. I thought she was
crazy. But looking back Karson was in fact right. That day Karson and met Ash
in the park he invited us to a party his band was throwing at his house. Karson
quickly accepted the invite for both of us. I just sat there staring at Ash
thinking about what if he found out about my little secret crush on him.
The
house was packed when we arrived. There were people spilling out onto the
sidewalk as we walked up. Karson and I made our way inside to find Ash. It
didn’t take us long and we found him in the kitchen entertaining a gaggle of
girls. Every one of them was vying for his attention and making eyes at him. I
smiled at him and he quickly left his group to greet us.
“So
glad you made it. Can I get you ladies something to drink?”
“A
beer would be great,” Karson shouted over the music.
“Tess?”
He looked at me for an answer.
“Beer
is fine,” I replied.
Ash
grabbed two beers from the fridge and motioned for us to follow him. We did and
we proceeded toward the backyard. It was a bit less crowded but not by much.
“I
want to introduce you to my friends,” Ash explained as we came up to a group of
guys near a keg. “Ladies this is Liam, Chase and Bronx.”
Three
of the most gorgeous yet terrifying looking guys all directed their attention
at us and said hello in unison. Liam had dark features and tan skin covered in
tattoos. He looked like the very definition of a bad boy. Chase was equally as
sexy with dirty blonde hair and hypnotic hazel eyes that made me blush. Bronx
had fiery red hair and his skin was dusted with iridescent freckles. He looked
like a rocker version of Prince Harry and I could tell the girls loved it.
Karson
immediately perked up meeting Ash’s friends. She was a flirt and I could tell
she was about to put on one hell of show for the guys. Ash must have noticed
too because he chuckled lightly watching the guys take interest in her as well.
“Do
you want to see Indie?”
“Sure,”
I told him and followed him back in the house.
Ash
led me to a room and unlocked a door with a key. “I locked her in my room
because of all the people.”
As
I crossed the threshold of the doorway Indie excitedly jumped off the bed and
launched herself onto me. I stumbled backward from the impact crashing into
Ash.
“Indie!”
he scolded her and pushed her back.
“She’s
fine. She probably thinks I have Mox with me.” I playfully pet Indie as I made
my way in the room. I looked around at the surroundings of Ash’s bedroom
mesmerized. It felt strangely intense being in his personal space. There is
something intriguing about being in someone’s bedroom for the first time.
“Actually,
I think she is just excited to see you,” Ash’s words pulled me from my intimate
assessment of his room. I turn to look at him and he is watching me. I feel a
shiver run down my spine realizing something unspoken is passing between us,
which excites me and terrifies me at the same time.
Ash
closes the small space between us and grabs my beer from my hands setting it on
the nightstand table behind me. I don’t have a clue what he is doing but I know
that if I talk I will ruin whatever is about to happen, so I remain quiet.
“The
truth is Tess it’s not just Indie who’s excited to see you. I am too,” he
reveals in a husky tone.
I
can feel my Asian skin turning pink and my eyes growing wide as I watch Ash’s
eyes roam over mine. I’m still too afraid to talk so I just stand there
completely still waiting for him to reveal what he is thinking.
“I
like you Tess,” he proclaimed.
“You
do?” I wasn’t trying to by coy or shy. I was seriously in shock that he just
said that. I wasn’t his type and I think we both understood that.
He
let out a deep laugh that was almost devious. “Yes, I do.”
I
again couldn’t speak. None of this made sense. Sure we had become friends over
time and yes we flirted but never did I think he would be interested in me.
“Tess…”
I refocused when Ash reaches out and lightly brushes a stray stand of hair out
of my face. When I look up at him our eyes locked and I can feel the heat
between us. I may not have understood what was happening between us but I could
sure feel it. Something in my expression must have given me away because Ash
swiftly kissed me. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It literally
made me lightheaded but in the most amazing way. It wasn’t a gentle kiss but
that’s what made it so incredible. Before I could realize it I was pushed
against his bedroom wall pinned relishing in his demanding kisses. Somewhere in
the back of my mind a voice told me to slow down and think about things but I
ignored it. I had always wondered what it would feel like to kiss the
mysterious and dangerous Ashton Parker and I was not going to lose my chance
now.
Chapter
Two
“Miss…
Miss hello?” I felt someone tapping my shoulder gently. I pried my eyes open to
find myself in a totally empty airplane minus the stewardess who was delicately
trying to wake me.
“Oh
sorry I must have really been out,” I told her awkwardly as I stood up to
leave.
“Happens
all the time,” she said as she flashed me a sympathetic smile. I smiled back
and thanked her as I grabbed my carry-on and hustled off the plane.
And
hour later and a cab ride from hell through New York City I was finally at my
hotel. I was relieved to be there and get settled in. The retailer interested
in my clothes had paid for my room and it was beautiful. It was corner suite
overlooking Central Park. After I settled in I called Paige to check on Bianca.
"Hey lady! How is New York?” Paige asked excitedly.
"Hey lady! How is New York?” Paige asked excitedly.
“Great.
I just got in. How is everything at home?
“Well
let’s see it has been pouring buckets since you left… Cadence and Bianca are
busy playing dolls in their make-shift fort Cutter built them in the living
room. And Weston is busy trying to break it down so the girls have been chasing
him around the house trying to catch him for the last hour. So yeah everything
is good.”
I
could hear the kids screaming in the background. Only Paige would be so
nonchalant surrounded by such chaos. “I seriously owe you big time, huh?”
“Nah,
we love having B here. You know that.”
“I
know… it’s just I haven’t left her before. It has always just been me and her,
you know?” I tried to keep my voice from cracking as I confessed my feelings to
my best friend.
“I
know Tess but she is fine, really she’s having a blast. You are doing the right
thing and it is going to go great tomorrow so stop stressing.”
Paige
knows me so well. I didn’t even have to tell her I was having anxiety about the
meeting she just knew.
“Can
I talk to B real quick?”
“Bianca,
your momma is on the phone!” I heard Paige scream but with no answer.
“I
think they ran upstairs do you want me to go get her?” Paige asked.
“No,
I’ll call back before I go to sleep. I’m going to go find something to eat, I’m
starving.”
“Sounds
good. I’ll tell her you will call her before bedtime.”
“Thanks.”
“Talk
to you soon,” Paige said before she hung up the phone.
* * *
Across
the street from the hotel was a cute little deli and bakery. I ordered a club
sandwich to go. It didn’t take long and I was headed back through the lobby of
the hotel when I saw her, Adrian Blackstone and all her glory. I had never seen
her in person before, but of course she was more beautiful than her pictures
suggested. I physically felt ill seeing her. I knew she had nothing to do with
my breakup with Ash and she probably had no idea I even existed but something
made me instantly hate her. I knew it was unfair but it didn’t matter. She had
the heart of the man that had stolen mine years ago and had yet to give it
back, in some ways that made her an evil accomplice that deserved my disdain.
I
continued to stand their watching the long-legged supermodel strut across the
marble floor of the hotel’s grand lobby thinking how cruel life is when I heard
a voice that made my hair stand on end.
“Babe!”
Ashton Parker came through the front doors of the hotel just in time to greet
his gorgeous girlfriend. She willingly went into his arms and they shared a
passionate kiss. I watched in horror as I felt a thousand knives cut into my
heart. If I thought life was cruel a few minutes earlier, I now realized it was
an evil bitch that was dead set on revenge. All of it was too much to take in.
I quickly turned and made my way to the elevator. There was no way I wanted to risk
coming face to face with my past, especially not when his leggy supermodel
girlfriend was wrapped around him like a pretzel.
I
felt ill the rest of the night. I didn’t eat my sandwich, I just couldn’t. I
called Bianca and said goodnight. Paige could tell something was up when I
talked to her again but I didn’t want to get into it. The only thing I wanted
to do was fall asleep and attempt to erase what I had witnessed earlier. I
needed ten hours of solid sleep and I would feel like myself again. I would be
ready for my big meeting. I kept reminding myself I wouldn’t let anything wreck
this opportunity I was given, not even Ashton Parker and his new supermodel
girlfriend.
* * *
“Well
congratulations, Tess. We have a deal.” I reached up and shook the hands of the
department store executives. I couldn’t believe it. They had met every one of
my conditions and then some. My line of kid’s clothes was going to be sold
around the world in less than six months. This was a game changer for me. I
could now expand my store and hire someone to run it while I worked on my new designs.
I couldn’t wait to call Paige and Bianca to tell them the great news.
After
I said my goodbyes and signed what seemed like a thousand pieces of paper I
headed back to my hotel. I climbed out of the taxi, paid the driver and began
walking toward the front doors.
I
should have known he was there. I have always been able to sense him when he is
close, but I had hoped it was just a cool breeze and my high from my meeting
that gave me shivers.
“Tess?”
I
stopped instantly hearing his voice and looked up to only to be met by the one
man who left me in pieces.
“Hello
Ash,” I replied as politely as I could.
He
stepped closer to me and I could feel his eyes roaming over me, analyzing every
detail of me.
“How
are you?” He asked, eagerly.
“What
do you want Ash?” I had no patience for his shit. I was having one of the best
days of my life and this asshole had to go and ruin everything.
He
shifted nervously. “Look I know I owe you an explanation—”
“No
actually you don’t. We are good,” I cut him off.
He
sucked in a deep breath. “Tess I would really like to talk. I think there are
things to discuss.”
I
always knew deep down this day would come. I realized long ago it was a
possibility he would want to know about his daughter, possibly even meet her.
But why of all days did it have to be today.
“Fine,
what do you want to discuss.” I was being purposefully hateful but I couldn’t
help it. This man cast me aside while I was pregnant with his child. To me he
was the lowest level of pond scum there was. I just wished my body and heart
responded the same way my mind did to him.
“I
can’t talk right now but will you meet me tonight? Ten O’clock at the bar in
the lobby, okay?” There was a hint of desperation in his voice that seemed odd.
“Alright,”
I replied curtly and began walking toward the hotel entrance once again.
“Tess…”
he grabbed my arm before I could leave sending a jolt of electricity shooting
through my body. “Please come tonight. There are things that I need to say.”
I
didn’t answer him; I just nodded my head once letting him know I would be
there. He let go of my arm and quickly disappeared into a waiting black SUV.
I
quickly hurried through the busy hotel to my room. I needed to think and get my
shit together before I had to meet Ash. I knew what he wanted but I wasn’t sure
I was ready to give it to him. I understand that he is Bianca’s father but he
had made it very clear that he wanted no part of our lives. He may have had a
change of heart in the last five years but I have no forgotten what he had
done. Disgusting things like that can’t every truly be erased.
Chapter
Three
“Holy
balls, Tess! Congrats!” Paige squealed in my ear over the phone. I had just
told her the good news about my clothing line.
“Thanks,
I think it will be great.” I was distracted and not really paying attention to
the conversation with Paige. I was so preoccupied with worrying about meeting
Ash soon.
“What
the hell is going on? I can hear you stressing over the phone. You need to
relax this is great news.”
I
knew Paige thought I was having anxiety over the clothing line deal I struck
today but in reality I hadn’t even been able to think anything about it since
running into Ash in the front of the hotel today. I could care less about my
clothing line or any of it now. The only thing that truly mattered to me was
Bianca and Ashton Parker had the ability to ruin everything for her.
“I
saw him today,” I said quietly into the phone.
“Who?”
Paige asked in total confusion.
I
didn’t answer her. I refused to say his name.
“Oh
shit. What does he want? Are you okay?” My friend was catching on to my fragile
mental state.
“He
wants to talk. I agreed to meet him in the hotel bar in a few minutes.”
“Do
you think he wants to see B?” Paige asked nervously.
“I
don’t know. I’m not sure what he wants. He could want joint or sole custody for
all I know.” My voice cracked on the last part. I was going to come apart at
the seams any minute.
“That’s
not going to happen. No court in their right mind would award him any type of
custody. He’s an addict.”
“Yes,
but he is a famous addict with lots of money. I know him Paige; if he wants her
nothing will stop him.”
“Then
we will fight him. Cutter and I will help you. He will not take your daughter
from you Tess. I promise you.”
“He’s
taken everything else from me.”
“Listen
to me, Tess. You need to get your head on straight. You need to go into this
with confidence and fight. You can’t let him mess with your head. Do you hear
me?” Paige was almost shouting now. I couldn’t blame her. She was trying to
desperately to get my head back in the game.
“I
hear you. I just need a few minutes to think before I have to go meet him. I’m
going to go splash some cold water on my face and get ready. I love you Bestie.
I’ll call you after.”
I
didn’t wait for her reply, I just hung up.
Paige
was right though, I had to fight. I needed to go downstairs with a clear head
and clear objective. I would not let Ashton Parker try to destroy me, not this
time around.
* * *
When
I arrived in the lobby bar I didn’t see Ashton so I just sat down at the first
table near the door. I figured if things went really bad I could at least make
a quick break for it. The bar was pretty empty except for a few business men
who were loudly recalling their glory days of college and a couple practically
dry humping each other in a corner both across the room. I nervously played on
my phone as I waited for Ash. I didn’t exactly know what to wear I paced in
front of the bathroom mirror in my room several times trying on different
outfits, but none seemed the right thing to wear when meeting your ex randomly
after five years.
“When
did you do that?” I heard from behind me, startling me forcing me to drop my
phone to the tabletop. He grabbed my wrist and stared at it. I peered up at a
very sexy Ashton Parker dressed in dark jeans and sporting my most favorite very
worn-in leather jacket.
“Huh?”
I didn’t know what he was talking about all I could think about is how good he
looked and how he made my skin burn from his touch. I quickly reminded myself
how much I hated him and what his true purpose was for this meeting.
Ash
could see the anger slid over my face and take hold. He dropped my wrist and
walked around to the empty chair across from me. “The tat. When did you get it?
I never took you for a tattoo girl.”
That
pissed me off somehow. I could get a tattoo if I wanted, it had nothing to do
with him if that was what he was thinking. He was not the boss of me. I had
gotten it on Bianca’s first birthday. I had survived my first year of single
parenthood and I felt like I needed to commemorate it some way. It was a simple
tattoo. On the inside of my right wrist I had the word faith in cursive script. It was done in white ink so it wasn’t too
noticeable but it did glow off my tan skin if you were paying attention or got
close enough.
“I
got it a while ago,” I snapped back. I refused to offer any other explanation.
“I
like it. It suits you,” he said looking at me intently.
The
heat from his stare was making it hard for me to think straight. I felt my old
self, my weak self, coming back.
“Can
I get you two a drink?” A very perky waitress appeared at our table. She smiled
brightly at Ash and I could tell she recognized him as the mega rock star he
had become. I don’t think she even looked in my direction.
“Diet
coke for me. Tess what would you like?” Ash looked at me waiting for a
response.
“Oh,
um, water is just great,” I told our waitress, not looking at Ash.
“I’ll
get that right away Mr. Parker,” the perky waitress said before she scampered
off.
“I’m
surprised you didn’t order your usual gin and tonic. Giving your liver a break
for a few hours?” I surprised myself at the bitter jab. But it was the truth.
The Ash I knew loved his alcohol and was always ready to party.
“I’m
four years sober in December,” he said quietly.
I
instantly felt like a jerk, not that he hadn’t deserved that jab, but I was
sorry I had thrown his addiction in his face like that. “Sorry. I wasn’t aware
you had stopped drinking.”
“It’s
okay. A lot has changed since we saw each other last. It’s been a long time,
Tess.” He smiled slightly.
“It
has been a long time Ash. The last time I saw you I promised myself it would be
the last. So please tell me why I am here right now?” I was ready to get to the
bottom of this. I needed to know what it was Ash wanted to say and if it was
about Bianca I had to decide what I was going to do about that.
Ash
took a deep sigh and placed his hands on the table. He was clearly struggling
with whatever he wanted to say. I braced myself for the worst.
“I
wanted to talk to you about that night you left. I need to explain some things
to you. I owe it to you and I know that—”
“Ash,
I moved on a long time ago. I don’t need to go over it, I really don’t,” I cut
him off.
“Maybe
you don’t but I need to say some things so if you would just please hear me
out,” he pleaded.
I
simply nodded hoping to just let him say whatever he needed and get the hell
out of there.
“First
off I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I made a mess of my
life and yours. I was spiraling out of control and forced you right along with
me. I’m so sorry for that, Tess.” His dark chocolate eyes looked so distraught
I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness for him. Addiction is a dirty evil
thing and it rarely just messes up one person’s life, it has the lethal ability
to obliterate anyone in its path.
“My
alcohol and drug abuse had become so insane. I was drinking and using every
day. I know you knew this, even though I thought I was hiding it well. I know I
did horrible things and I said horrible things. Some I remember and some I’m
sure I have no idea about, and for that I am also sorry. I need you to know
that Tess. I know I abandoned you and you must hate me for that. I know that is
why you disappeared. I don’t blame you for that. It was probably the smartest
choice you ever made. I want you to know that I tried to reach out to you when
I was in rehab several times but no one could track you down. I’m sorry this
apology has taken so long. You really should have gotten it years ago. I have
hurt a lot of people and it has taken me years to repair those relationships
but I never got the chance with you. I needed to try to at least make some sort
of amends. My counselor at rehab always would tell me it was never good to have
ghosts from the past because they will eventually become demons in my future.”
He half smiled at me waiting for my reaction.
I
was totally confused. He didn’t mention anything about Bianca or me ever being
pregnant. Did he not remember? Should I ask him or should I just let it go?
My
thoughts were interrupted when my cell phone buzzed on the table in front of
us. B’s smiling face projected back across the screen. What impeccable timing.
I quickly hit the ignore button and flipped my phone over, hoping the picture
had gone unnoticed.
“You
have a daughter?” He asked.
“Uh
yes, she’s a girl.” I spat back him.
“How
old is she?” Is he serious right now?
“Uh,
five,” I replied confused at his cat and mouse game he was playing.
“But
you’re not married,” He asked and pointed to my ring finger.
“No
I’m not,” I answered in complete confusion.
“Is
her father in the picture?” He asked seemingly sincere. My mouth dropped open.
Holy
shit. He doesn’t know. He freaking doesn’t have a clue we have a daughter.
Should I tell him? What if I didn’t tell him? Will that make me a horrible
person? Is that fair to Bianca?
“I’m
sorry that’s none of my business.” He looked apologetic.
“No,
it’s fine. I’m just not used to people asking questions. We have just always
been on our own so sometimes I forget that’s not really the norm.” It wasn’t a total lie, but it wasn’t exactly
the truth either.
“Well
she is a lucky girl to have you as a Mom, Tess.” He smiled at me.
Do
I tell him? What do I say? Should I just blurt it out?
I
didn’t know what to do, so I took the easy road and did nothing. I’m so going
to hell for this. “Thanks. Well I should probably be going.” I stood up
indicating our little reunion was over.
Ash
stood up as well. “Thanks for meeting me tonight, Tess. I’m so glad I ran into
you. I’m glad I could finally put a few more of my demons to rest.”
I
smiled back at him. I was truly happy for him. I was glad he was sober and I
accepted his apology. Although, it couldn’t change what happened between us at
least now I could get rid of some of the pain I felt.
“I
accept your apology, Ash. I wish you nothing but the best.” I don’t know what
possessed me, maybe it was the sadness in his eyes or maybe I just wanted one
last touch from the man who drove me wild, but I reached up and kissed his
cheek. Ash was caught off guard by my boldness, but he quickly responded by
grabbing ahold of my shoulders clutching me so close to him. He stared deep
into my eyes and I knew he felt the same thing. It was still there between us
after all this time. It would probably always be there, that potent toxic
connection. I once lived for that feeling but now I just fear it, because I
know wherever it is, pain quickly follows.
“Tess…”
Ashton wanted to vocalize what was happening between us but didn’t quite know
how and I couldn’t let him pull me back in.
“Take
care of you Ash,” I said stoically. I turned and walked away out of his grasp
for the last time.
Chapter Four
I
hadn’t slept a wink when I boarded my plane back to Washington. I was more than
exhausted; I was dead on my feet. I tried to put everything that happened with
Ash last night out of my mind but I just couldn’t let it go. I eventually
called Paige to tell her what had happened. She was just as shocked as I was
that he didn’t have a clue about Bianca and me she didn’t exactly agree with my
choice not to tell him. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised Ash didn’t
remember I had been pregnant. He did tell me there are things he remembers and
some he just can’t. I guess that horrible day is one his mind erased all
together. I wish I could say the same.
I
climbed into my window seat and tried my hardest to sleep. If I just had some rest
I could think things out, but of course my subconscious had other plans.
Five years earlier…
“Tessa
you have to come, he needs you. You know you’re the only one he will listen
to,” Liam pleaded with me over the phone.
“Fine.
What time are we doing this?” I asked exasperated that things had declined this
far.
“Six
o’clock at the house. All the guys will be there,” He told me.
“I’ll
be there,” I replied and hung up.
I
swore two weeks ago I would never go back in that house. I had broken up with
Ash for the last time. Things had become a nightmare and Ash had turned into
more than just a monster. His addiction had completely taken over his life. He
couldn’t go a day without drinking and using now. What started out as his
“recreational drug use” turned into habitual use in a little over a year.
The
first time I had caught Ash using coke was the day his band, Southtown was
tapped to open up for the Kings of Leon on their next big tour. The guys threw
a huge house party and like usual it went into the wee hours of the night. I
had fallen asleep in Ash’s room and I woke up wondering where he was and I
found him in the living room snorting coke from the kitchen counter with two
other guys I had never met before. I of course freaked out at him and left. I
had never been one to do drugs or even be around people who did. It was a deal
breaker for me and I told him that. I accepted that day that his rocker
lifestyle was not for me. We were worlds apart. However, the next day I woke to
find Ashton sleeping on my doorstep. He apologized and swore it would never
happen again. I agreed to forgive him on the condition he would never use drugs
again. I was such a fool.
“Hey
Tess. Glad you came girl,” Chase said as he let me in their grand beachfront
mansion. The boys bought the house shortly after the tour with the Kings of
Leon. It’s a gorgeous house with tons of bedrooms all overlooking the Pacific
Ocean.
“Where
is he?” I asked Chase nervously looking past him.
“Grant
took him to dinner. They should be back soon. Everyone else is in the living
room.”
Grant
was the guys’ manager. He had always indulged Ash in his partying ways but now
I suppose even this had surpassed his limits.
“Hi
Tess,” Liam hugged me when I entered the living room that held about a half
dozen of Ash’s friends.
“Hey,”
I smiled weakly at him.
“Okay,
I think we are all here. If you could all just take a seat. Grant and Ash will
be here soon but I wanted to say a few things first so we are all on the same
page.” I could tell Chase was on edge as he addressed us.
I
took a seat next to Liam on the couch and leaned against him for support.
“Everyone
knows that Ash has hit a new low here. He is completely off the rails. Liam and
I believe he’s using every day and we know he is completely dependent on
alcohol. Things can’t continue like this. He has to get help. Grant has arranged
for him to go to a place in Texas but he has to agree. I think it is important
that you all know that Liam and I have talked about it at some length and if he
won’t get help we are kicking him out of Southtown.”
An
audible gasp sounded from a couple people. I’m sure to some in this room the
breakup of the band was unconscionable, but to others like myself, it was the
only way force him to get help. Ashton
only had one thing left he truly cared about and it sure as hell wasn’t me. I’m
not sure when he stopped caring about me but I knew it had been a long time. It
was crystal clear when I walked in on him two weeks ago making out with a
random chick on the balcony of his bedroom. I had no clue who she was, probably
a groupie that came to party. It didn’t really matter who she was, it had been
over for a long time, and she was just the final nail in the coffin. He didn’t
even make an attempt to apologize or deny it. Instead he offered to have a
three way with me. He was obviously high as shit so I left without a scene and
I hadn’t returned until tonight.
“I
heard what happened a couple weeks ago. I asked around and found out who that
chick was and it turns out she is friends with Grant’s girlfriend. We banned
her from the house,” Liam said quietly to me as we waited for Ash’s arrival.
“It’s
alright Liam. It doesn’t really matter. Things between us had been done for a
long time; I just wasn’t willing to let him go.”
“I’m
sure when he gets clean he will make things right. He loves you. He has always
loved you, Tess.”
My
heart broke a little bit more in that moment. It was hard enough having that
conversation with myself but now that Liam was saying it, it was even harder to
accept things were truly over.
“I
love you Liam,” I told him at an attempt to keep my emotions held back.
Liam
just gave me a small smile in return. He knew I was having tough time and I
appreciated him not pushing me to talk more.
My
mind was reeling. I had found out that afternoon I in fact was carrying Ash’s
baby. I couldn’t even begin to process it. I only agreed to come here to get
Ashton sober. There was no hope for our relationship that was over, but I
needed him to be sober for our baby.
“Whoa,
what the fuck is this shit!” I heard the front door hit the wall behind it. Ash
was home.
“Just
hear everyone out first,” Grant said closing the door that had been flung open
by Ash.
“Absolutely
fucking not. You fuckers can all go to hell. I know what you’re doing. I’m not
going to some program. I don’t have a problem,” he said as he stumbled into the
room.
He
was clearly drunk and high out of his mind.
“Ash,
man, we just want to talk.” Chase stood up trying to coax him in the room.
“You
know what Chase you can go fuck yourself. You know what your problem is, you’re
a pussy. You never could party hard,” Ash slurred.
“Come
on Ash, we all care about you,” Liam tried.
“What
is she doing here?” Ash pointed at me and glared. “I thought we were done.”
I
ignored him.
“She
cares about you too,” Liam continued.
“Nah,
she don’t. She hates me. She can’t stand me. She doesn’t like my partying. But
guess what, this is me. I’m a rock star and this is what rock star’s do!” he
screamed the last part at me.
“We
just want to get you healthy, Ash. You can’t keep going like this,” Grant tried
to step in.
“I
don’t have a problem!” Ash screamed again.
I
watched Chase standing nearby not saying anything but I could tell he was
getting more pissed by the redness climbing up his neck to his face.
“We
are kicking you out of the band,” Chase said calmly but with force.
“You’re
what? You can’t do that. I am the band. I am Southtown. I’m the fucking lead
singer. There is no band without me!” Ash was hitting a new level now.
“Then
there won’t be a band. Liam and I agree on this, man. Either you go to rehab or
we refuse to play with you.”
Ash
lunged at Chase taking a swing at him but Grant quickly grabbed him around the
waist and restrained him. My heart broke for Chase. I could see how difficult
it was for him to say that to his best friend, but it was necessary. He was
trying to save his life.
“Fuck
you. Fuck you both. You can take the band and shove it up your asses!” Ash
wiggled out from Grant’s hold and stormed up the stairs. A few seconds later we
heard his bedroom door slam so hard it shook the walls.
“Well
that went well,” Liam said looking defeated next to me.
“He’s
not going to go, he’d rather kill himself than get help,” Chase said almost in
whisper.
Against
my better judgment I stood up and headed toward the stairs.
“Where
are you going Tess? I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. He’s really out
of it tonight,” Liam pleaded with me.
“It’s
okay. I need to say something to him. It may just change his mind,” I told him
and proceeded up the stairs.
What
Chase and Liam didn’t know is that I held a trump card and I was hoping it was
just enough to get Ash to agree to help.
“Ash?
Can I come in?” I said lightly knocking on his door.
It
took him a while before he swung the door open letting me come inside. “What do
you want?”
“I
need to tell you something.”
“Fine,
but make it quick. I’m out of here. Screw those douche bags.” He was crazily
throwing crap from his dresser on the floor and clothes from his closet in a
bag.
“Can
you stop and listen for a moment? This is important?” I pleaded with him.
He
stopped his madness and looked at me. In that brief moment I could almost see
the man I used to love. He was there, underneath the booze and drugs. It gave
me the encouragement I needed.
“Ash,
I’m pregnant,” I blurted out and then nervously waited for his reaction.
He
was quiet for minute. I watched as the man I used to know processed what I was
saying. I think I even saw excitement in his eyes but it was quickly erased by
the black demon he had been fighting. He stared at me, searching my face for
something. It gave me chills and I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
“Get
the fuck out!” He screamed all of a sudden and pointed at the door.
“No
Ash, we need to talk about this!” I screamed back at him. I had hoped he was
having a moment of clarity but I was clearly wrong.
“No,
get the fuck out of here. I never thought you were a groupie slut like the rest
of them but I guess you fooled me. You’re just saying that to try to trap me so
you can take all my money. You’re just a fame whore like the rest of them. But
you know what, that’s not going to happen. I don’t give a shit if you are
carrying my child. I don’t want anything to do with you or it. No one is going
to trap me. You were just a piece of pussy. There is plenty more out there.”
I
shuddered at his harsh words. “You don’t mean that. It’s just the drugs
talking.”
He
didn’t even respond he just grabbed his wallet and pulled out a wad of bills,
tossing them on the ground in front of me. “Here, take care of it. I never want
to hear another word from you.”
He
grabbed his bag, pushing past me and left. I stayed in his room letting the
tears slide down my face. I knew then I was truly alone. Ash was too far gone.
He was broken and there was nothing left of him. The good in him was all gone
and all that remained was evil. It was then I realized I was going to have to
do this all on my own. Ash would never know his child.
Three
days later Ash overdosed in a hotel room. I had already left town and when I
returned to get my stuff Ash had already checked himself out of his first rehab.
There was no choice for me; I had to move on focus on my baby.
Chapter Five
“Momma!”
Bianca ran up to me jumping in my arms as I got out of my car.
“Oh
it’s good to see you baby,” I said squeezing her tightly against my chest. It
felt so good to be home. Maybe now I could sort everything out and make sense
of what I needed to do or not do.
After
my plane landed in Seattle I drove the entire two hours north thinking of what
had transpired in New York. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was having some
serious doubts about my decision to not tell Ash about Bianca. Perhaps I had
made a colossal mistake.
“Glad
your home, Bestie.” Paige gave me a comforting hug.
“Thanks.
I’m glad to be back,” I told her.
“Come
in, I have tea ready in the kitchen,” She said leading the way inside.
“Mommy
can I go play with Cadence?” B smiled up at me.
“Sure
baby. I’ll be in the kitchen with Auntie Paige.”
I
watched B run off around the side of the house towards the giant swing set
where Cadence was playing. I watched my baby girl smile like she didn’t have a
care in the world and I hoped that would remain true. I hoped I hadn’t made a
decision she would hate me for later on.
“Alright,
let’s hear it,” I could tell Paige was all ready to give me a lecture.
“What?”
Paige said shrugging her shoulders in denial.
“I
know you have an opinion on what I did, so let’s hear it.”
“Okay,
look I get it. I understand you are protection Bianca. You don’t want her to
get hurt by him. I can see that. But do you think maybe you’re doing it for
other reasons as well?” Paige leaned over the counter and sipped her tea
waiting for my reaction.
“Like
what?”
“Like
maybe you don’t want Ash in her life because it’s easier on you.”
I
immediately felt myself recoil in defense at her accusation. “No!”
“Okay,”
she said holding up her hands in an attempt to diffuse the situation. “I just
had to ask. I could understand why you would feel that way. I know I did when I
was in that situation with Cutter.”
She
was not playing fair now bringing up her past with Cutter. They had been broken
up and Paige found out she was pregnant and she wasn’t going to tell him until
I convinced her to tell him.
“It’s
totally different. You guys were just recently broken up and he wasn’t an addict.
I told Ash I was pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with either of us. In
fact he told me to get rid of it and tossed a wad of cash in my face. He just
now claims he doesn’t remember that.”
“Do
you believe him?” Paige asked the real question. If I believed Ash had no idea
he had a daughter then maybe just maybe he deserves to have a second chance to
know her, but if I thought he did know then he was just the world’s worst
person ever.
“I
don’t know… I think he is telling the truth.” Actually I knew Ash was telling
the truth. The old Ash, the sober one, was the one I had met again in New York
and deep down I knew he wasn’t a liar.
“So
what are you going to do?” Paige pressed me, knowing she would get me to crack.
I
let out a deep sigh and looked out the kitchen window to the kids playing
outside. I hadn’t fully come to a decision until I saw Bianca. When I saw her,
I knew I couldn’t deny her a chance to know her Dad, even if I hated him to the
core.
“I’m
going to tell him,” I muttered still not looking at her.
“I
thought you would say that so I did a little research.” She grabbed her tablet
from the counter and put it down in front of me. “Southtown is coming to
Seattle next month.”
Of
course they were. “I guess I will tell him then. I suppose I could try to get a
hold of Liam or Chase and they could get me backstage.”
“I
think it’s the right decision. Cutter and I have been talking about it and if
you want me to go with you I will.”
“You
told Cutter?” I demanded slightly pissed.
“Yeah
of course I did. I wanted a male prospective,” she said totally unaware of my
annoyance.
“And
what did Cutter think?” I was curious now.
“He
thought you should tell him even though he thinks he is a piece of shit.” She
smiled lightly at me. “Oh and he said he would kill him with his bare hands if
he hurts you or B.”
Typical
Cutter. He had become like an older brother to me and was fiercely protective
of me. When I started dating again Cutter had more questions than Paige did
about the guys. I loved him for that. Since my Mother had passed away and my
father and I had a strained relationship, Paige and Cutter were my family. I
depended on them and I trusted them.
“Well
I better get B home. I need some rest.”
Paige
rounded the counter and hugged me once again. “It’s for the best. You will
see.”
“I
hope your right.” I hugged her back and thanked her for taking care of Bianca.
* * *
It
had been a week since I was in New York and I had come to terms with my
decision to tell Ash. I hadn’t reached out to Liam or Chase yet. I didn’t want
to give them a chance to tell Ash I was coming. I needed the element of
surprise on this so I didn’t lose my nerve.
I
was working in my office in the back of my shop Bows & Ties. I had gotten
the new designs for the store from the architect. I was expanding the store
since landing the clothing deal with the department store. I heard the front
door chime and I assumed it was Paige dropping off Bianca. I had asked Paige to
pick her up from kindergarten today so I could meet with the builder and
architect about the store.
I
was just coming out of the office with Sadie met me in the hall. Sadie just
graduated high school and had been working for me for the last couple years. She
was a bubbly and blonde. The good Lord had blessed her with more looks than
brains, but she was sweet and easy to be around so she made the perfect
employee.
“Uh
there is someone here for you,” She told me looking slightly confused. I didn’t
think much of it though, because Sadie is generally always confused.
“Thanks
Sadie,” I told her as I passed her and headed toward the front of the store,
assuming it was likely one of the guys I had met with about expanding the store.
I
stopped dead in my tracks though when I saw who it was standing there waiting
for me.
“Hi
Tess,” he said in that low seductive tone that used to make me shiver with
desire. He was dressed to kill in his dark washed jeans ripped jeans, black
hoodie and dark baseball hat. His neck tattoos peeking out from behind his
sweatshirt. He was equal parts dangerous and equal parts sexy as hell. I felt
my stomach flip flop and forced myself to remember that he was evil incarnate.
“What
are you doing here, Ash?” I demanded.
“I
came to see you,” he said through a sly smile.
“I
can see that, but why?”
“I
needed to see you. After seeing you in New York I decided I needed to see you
again because—”
He
stopped talking as soon as he heard the door chime behind him and I watched in
utter horror as my worst nightmare came to light.
Bianca
came bounding in the store. “Mommy! Guess what Auntie Paige just bought me.”
I
watched as Bianca then noticed I was talking to a stranger and she fixated on
him. “Hi!”
I
leaned down and protectively picked B up in my arms. It was just an instinct I
had to shield her from him. Once B was in my arms I looked back at Ash and I
could see his face had changed. He was staring back at her and I knew he was
slowly piecing it together. It was pretty easy when you saw her in person. She
looked just like him with her dark curls and dark eyes. Plus she had his same
charisma and charm.
“Okay
don’t get mad. I didn’t buy her a horse, just riding lessons—” Paige stopped
talking as soon as she realized what she had just walked in on. “Oh shit.”
“Paige,
will you take B for a while?” I asked walking over and handing her my baby girl.
Paige
nodded and took B from me.
I
waited until they left the store before I tried to speak again.
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